(context: my wizard and fighter are arguing whether to go explore the dungeon or stay in the town and talk to more people)
wizard: i slap him with my fish
me: excuse me
wizard: did i fucking stutter
me: fine, you [wizard] roll a d20 and you [fighter] roll dexterity saving to see if you can dodge
wizard: nat 20 get fUCKED
fighter: are you fucking kidding me. *turns to me* are you actually letting this happen
me: listen, he said he wanted to slap you with a fish, so i guess roll a d3 for fish
wizard: i got a 3 motherFUCKER
fighter: WE’RE ONLY LEVEL 1 YOU TOOK A THIRD OF MY HEALTH ALREADY
(via yourplayersaidwhat)
Shoutout to the imaginary person or creature that used to run alongside the car when you were a kid. It was so good at parkour.
Always Samus for some reason.
(via badluckbadger)
(via cryptbirth)
hope your pets stay healthy in 2017
I almost didn’t blog this and felt guilty
Not risking it
hope ya pets even healthier in 2018
(via dutchster)
LET! THEM! IN! THE! BASKET!!!!!
This poor woman is just trying to clean the leaves. #allpandas.
if you’re having a rough night, watch this. trust me.
They’re almost as bad as cats
(via dutchster)
kissing a girl’s stomach is such a soft form of affection………i love it
Just like kisses on the bootyhole
(via badluckbadger)
Tonight was nice.
